i can never thank you enough <3

im twenty noww.
hmms.being twenty now, it doesnt feel much different than when i was nineteen just a few days back.
yupp.
anyway just wanna thank the ppl who made the past few days beautiful.
thanks SER for your royce chocs, the red heart purse, and the letter u wrote, its really really sweeeeeeet babe.

thanks COT and YOLK for celebratingg with me at 12am at timbreee after asoc day. haha. thanks for the nice bracelet and esp nic. thanks for the card. its reallyy beautiful and the letter you wrote reallyy touched my hearttt. thanks yolk for makingg a necklace for mee!! thanks for the cakee COT and yolkk (((:

thanks EELI.MEL.YOLK.XIUS.SHUS.WEIREN for surprisingg me at 7 am in the morningg. XIUS thanks for droppingg by just to give me a card when you had to rush off. thanks EELI.MEL.WEIREN for the breakfast you preparedddd [the hotcakes "cake", sausages, scramble eggs, cereal]. and thanks SHUS for specially rushingg to my house after your night cyclingg even though you were so tiiired. thanks YOLK for just beingg there again. it was nice seeingg you girls and just talkingg and stuff for a few hours.thanks JIES for callingg me to wish me even though you couldnt make it.

thanks YOLK for spendingg the whole day with me, shoppingg and stuff. your company was great, you know that rightt?? thanks for the tank topp. heeeee and thanks to my family for havingg dinner with me at imperial treasure. thanks YOLK for joiningg us too. thanks BRO for buyingg the carrot cake from cedele just 'cos i said i wanted it even though you didnt like it. thanks DAD for just rushingg back from china just to celebrate. thanks for the wonderful dinnerrrrr. thanks CAND for callingg me from nottingham just to wish me happy birthdayy. woah im touched.thanks SHUN for poppingg by halfwayy duringg dinner to pass me the card and a color pencil. the card was niceee. (((:

thanks JOYCE for attemptingg to surprise me at 11.50 sth, during the last few hours of my bday. haha sorry for spoilingg your surprise by comingg out of the house. thanks for the donuts, the reese cereal, the precious moments photoframe with pictures of us and the cardddd. it means alot to mee. thanks babe. for the night talk we haddd. and how we walked over to look for YOLK and how we talked till maybe three before headingg back to my homee. you girls are the love of my lifee <3

thanks XIN.JOYCE.RON.YUCHING.MARK for celebratingg my bday with me at akashi at paragonn!! heeeee i likee.wheeee jap food rocks. but anyway you guys rock moree!! yupp thanks for the wonderful companyy. the time we spent at toysarus and the present i recieved from all of you [ralph lauren perfume - vaporisateur]. it spells natural (((: niceeeeee.thanks for the SUPER yummyyy and rich choc cake from canele. its SUPER niceeee (((: thanksss.

thanks WEIREN for the wonderful dinnerr at dempsey. the wonderful company and your present and card. appreciate it. you've been reallyy special in my life. thanksss for thatt :DDD

thanks for the many many ppl who wished me either on msn, sms, facebook, etc. theres far too many for me to name here so i wont be namingg. but really. thanks for at least rememberingg. or if facebook, etc reminded youu, thanks for at least makingg an effort to wishhh mee!! hahaaa

and last but not least, a short prayerr:
thank you GOD. for makingg me who i am. for blessingg me with sucha wonderful life. with my wonderful grandma.dad.mom.bro.maid.and dog rex.
thanks for blessingg me with the most wonderful friends esp my dearest girls who have weathered thru everythingg with me since sec sch. thanks for watchingg me groww and thanks for helpingg me to groww.
thanks for blessingg me with every single thinggggg. for givingg me sucha comfortable life and makingg me a happyy girl.
help me to onlyy grow to be a better child of yours. i wanna be a woman of GOD.
help me to LOVE unconditionally and to bringg joy to the ppl around me duringg this short journey in life which will prepare me for a more wonderful life spent with you.
LORD i know im not worthy to recieve you, but only say the word and i shall be healed.
i love you GOD.
i wanna love you more and more each day.
help me not to allow the material things in this world [sch.work.etc] to stress me out so that ill not remember to appreciate the simplest things in lifee.
i wanna always view life in the most positive mannerr.
remind me that you are always here with mee and theres nothin' i should fear.
i surrender my whole life to you and i ask of you to always be in control.
you always know whats BEST for me and i thank youu.
draw me closer and closerr to you LORD and help me to get rid of all the obstacles that are preventingg me from goingg into a closerr walk with you.
thank you for everythingg. and i wished for all the ppl around me who are closest to my heart to be healthy and happyy. i know that wishes do not come true. they only come true when you make them. and so i come to you with the most sincere heart. LORD pls bless my family, my friends and all those who matter to me. bless those who do not matter to me but who matter to those who matter to me as well. in JESUS most precious name i pray, AMEN.

start from the last position, to climb up (((:

wow.
the feelingg of beingg the bottom-est aint good at all.
i dont remember beingg last for anythingg in any class.
there are 2 possibilities, i might not have known, i no longer remember, it wasnt significant. whatever it is.
yea im last this time.
not in one class.
but in all classes.
woah.
greattt.
whatever it is.
im disappointed.
alrightt but i know its my own faulttt.
i have me and me to blameee.
yuck this is disgustingg.
income tax test next week.
and im scareddddddddd.
)))):

ill keep the keyy, just leave a light on for me.

this one week break has been a wonderful one.
got to hangg out with baeys for many hourrrs, catchingg up and all that.
then bbq at chris' house was fantastic. got to see the loveliest ppl (((:

sund was a nap at home.
mass in the eveningg with joyce and dinner at serangoon gardens - astons.
spent quality time togetherr.
felt so much like the good ol days.
love ya <3

mond was stay home day - supposed to prepare for CAT.
but didnt do much preparation. obv wasted the entire day.

tues - cat exam [terribly done]
lunch with nic.paul.rollo at ps - carls jr.
then watched the movie the italian at cathay.
its a russian film screened in picture house.
nic and i liked it pretty much.paul was ogay and it just wasnt rollo's cup of teaa!! tssssssskkkkk to think rollo thought nic and i wouldnt appreciate the showw.
it was really a wonderful show in my opinion.
the lil boy was so determined to find his biological mom.
he was so bravee the entire timeee.
and WOAH really cutee too. nah, im not a pedophile.
the endingg was really kinda saddd )))):
shant spoil the moment for those who are gonna watch itt!!
but its real meaningful!!
then went over to ntu to meet xius in the eveningg.
we ate waffles.talked alottt.hungg in her room.helped her with abit of her art work. then i accompanied her for her trainingg
oh man. i nearly died ogay even though it was probably a million times less tiring than sn track trainingg in the past.
oh man there was stridingg for two roundds.but i really didnt wanna push ittt. muscles were crampingg.
shant go on to the details. but i thought it was supposed to be just a jogg!! OOPS.but nevertheless it felt good really beingg there to spend time with xiuss (((: i really missed moments like thattt. after that showered and left around one plus close to two.

wed - met up with mel at starbucks to just get a drink and talk abt stuff. talkeddd the entire afternoon. thanks MEL (((:
so glad and i really enjoyed your companyy.
then rushed to sch to meet nic.paul.rollo to consult our cat prof.
then did abit of cat proj before headingg to funan to collect my laptop then we had dinner at kfc and attempted to do more "proj work".
hmms shortly after we decided to head to nics house to watch tv and play mj!! i owe all of them ice-cream shant elaborate. really.
hahaaa. then weiren and i went to p.s. cafe at dempsey, the cakes there are YUMMYYY :D :DDD

thurs - finance proj [was lost the entire time].
ser and daph accompanied me to speak to the bnj girl regardingg the sponsorship for asoc day. thanks babes. we waited quite longg man.
hahaa.then met weiren.
went to the art museum. and the cafe. had sandwiches. wanted to start revisingg. but failed miserably.
then toured the museum.
then headed to cathay for the movie lust caution.
alright i guess.
the italian is better though.
then headed to geylangg for supperrr.
went to the tauhuay stall [uh-hurm]
then went to the frog porridge stall. yummyyy!!

fri - went town with parents.
yayy i have another lacoste polo teeeeeee to add on to my collection.
happyyyyy!!
im less of a shopaholic im sure.
my dad wanted me to buy two!!
but i turned down the offer and only wanted onee.
WOAH.
wandered off after in the mid afternoon to borders after they left.
bought pencil tins and nice pretty booksss with nice coverrs.
went to coffee bean to get some cake and coffee and started writingg abit of my reflections down.
felt like reflectingg so badlyy.
then went to a christian bookshopp and bought a book.
it was rather good quality time alone and quiet time spent.
there are days when i really yearn for such peace.
came homee.
spent the nite with dadd.abit of my mom and maid.
had dinnerrr. then hungg at the livingg room the entire nightt.
watchingg tv with my dad and talkingg to himm
(((:

sat - cat proj meetingg at pauls house.
we did abit i guess. then it was tea break for me and lunch for themm!!
heee yummyyy!!
then we just slacked abit and stuff.
then gave rollo and nic a lift home.
then went to meet joyce to shop aroundd marina sq.
wheee bought a ringg and a bagg!! its RED by the wayy.
urm then went to donut factory to buy many many boxes of donuts.
went to pick yolk up from work.
went to purvish street intending to buy beef noodles, stall was closed.
went to macpherson food centre, closed down.
ended up opposite my house area - joyce's introduction.
so bought food back for ourselves and my dad and maid - musriah
oh man wanted to spend time with them cos it was hari raya yesterdayy!!
but somehow we drove from like close to eight [when we left marina sq] to abt nine forty fiveee.
felt so badd.cos dad and musriah had to eat so latee.
so yolk.joyce and i ate with musriah.
then yolk joyce and i talked till likeee eleven thirty.
then i sent them homee (((:
and last night was emo nemo meeeee.
seriouslyyyy.
i was tiiired.
felt sth lackingg in my lifeee.
ended up talkingg on the phone till five am.
thanks for listeninggg :D :DDD :DDD
i always appreciate youu.

sund (today) - breakfast.sent dad to the airport.mass.lunch.starbucks with mel at holland v and we did work. WOAH first day in the week i remembered im still schoolingg man.
read about 6 or 7 pgs of income tax the entire afternoon. urm, yes. pathetic i knoww.
yea but for my conc span, its not bad really.
then we started talkingg cos werent in the mood alr.
called some of our clique members not to come anymore.so tiiired.
then jies.mel and i had dinner at this mexican rest beside cha cha cha.
decided to try sth neww for a change. its not badd i guess.
but cha cha cha is still better we kinda concludeddd.
sent jies back to her hall. then dropped mel and came homee.
checked mails and stuff. and just showered.
gonna spend abit of quiet time and doingg some reflections then ill be goingg to bedddd.

hmms even though this week one week break was supposed to be spent catchingg up on my work.
i didnt do thattt.
seriously i spent time with my loved ones. spent time really enjoyingg myself [haha, no mambo this time though and no photos taken the entire week too].heee
and last night i was kinda emo cos i felt so badd for slackingg so much and stuff.
and not havingg my own personal space for myself and GOD.
felt sad with the world for quite abittt.
but today i feel much better.
cos yea GOD is in control and i should not expect the world to live up to the standards i settt.
how can i expect anythinn when im so far from perfectionn.
alrighttt. i do not regret not doingg any work this entire week.
'cos i know ill still choose to make this week the way it was.
i wish ill always be able to bringg joy to the ppl aroundd meee.
and more importantly i gotta really be more disciplined cos i truly wanna walk close to you LORD.
hmmmms.sorry for beingg imperfect, as alwaysss.
ill keep tryingg.

and for now, this songg is on my replay modee.

Belinda Carlisle - Leave A Light On Lyrics

(Rick Nowels/Ellen Shipley)
Take my hand
Tell me what you are feeling
Understand
This is just the beginning

Although I have to go
It makes me feel like crying
I don't know when I'll see you again

Darling leave a light on for me
I'll be there before you close the door
To give you all the love that you need
Darling leave a light on for me
'cause when the world takes me away
You are still the air that I breathe

I can't explain I don't know
Just how far I have to go
But darling I'll keep the key
Just leave a light on for me

Yes I know
What I'm asking is crazy
You could go
Just get tired of waiting
But if I lose your love
Torn out by my desire
That would be the one regret of my life

Just like a spark lights up the dark
Baby that's your heart

a wonderful weekendd.

hmms an insane week.
ended with insanely happy stuff to keep me feelingg happy for the next week.
yayy.
and the comingg week is gonna be a good week.
wheeeeeee.
cos its the mid term break!!
i know it aint really supposed to be a break.
but i dont careee.
i shall live it up.
after all mid-term break implies a BREAK right.
wheee.
so friday was just finance quiz followed by macs delivery and proj meetingg.
met baeys.
we shopped aroundd.ate.threaded eye brows.talked abt everythingg under the sun.walked around moree the entire day.
it was good man!!
baey made my day.
was too tired to meet joyce and yolk.came homee.
had dinner.watched prison break.then watched my hk show at night.
crieddddd when i watcheddd.oh man, how touchingg is it??
hmms.
then sat was spent lazingg. prison break. napp. food. chattingg onlinee.
then went to meet weiren.
talked and walked for pretty longg.
then went to chris' place for bbq. when i reached, pao called me to ask me to buy the cake.
so walked over to kap.got the cake and walked back.
wheeee then we surprised him [i hope he was]
then ate and talked.
so happy got to see cot, mandy, sara, sumingg, etc.
wheee its been so longg.
mandy & sara said they missed meee.
i miss them very much too!!
))):
heeee.
so glad i got to see those lovely girls.
wheeee then stayed there till maybe twelve around theree.
yup slept from one till about eleven plus today.
breakfast.came online for awhilee.lunch.napped till five.
got ready.met joyce around six.went for eveningg mass at my church.
then we headed to gardens for dinner.
had western food at astons.
then had dessert from chomp chompp.
talked and caught up till abt eleven thirty.wheeeeeeeeee i feel bliss
got home close to twelve.
ive been chatting onlinee till abt noww.
and now im kinda tiiired.
this weekend was gooddd.
im lookingg forward to after tues when CAT will be overrr.
then loads of funn comingg up.
many lovelies to make my dayy!!
YAY.
okay im off now.
no emo stuff tonighttt.
:DDDDDDDDD
some pics taken last nightt.

this might sound like the saddest thingg.
but i gave up tryingg to figure out how the world works.
human emotions are definitely one of the most complex.
it should be shouldnt it??
yet ppl take it so lightly.
yes i was one of those in the past.
but i can proudly say that im no longerr like that.
but i guess the reason drivingg this force of irrationality for most, is perhaps companionship.
i guess we need company.
i have ideals abt love.
the ideals that i think are difficult to match. [really lets not talk abt the times from sec 2 - j1 'cos i was clearly misconcepted then]
as quoted by someone who once got closest to me: your maintenance level is super high in the emotional way. all the expectations you set of what two parties hafta do for each other etc.
yet i cant help but think that, thats the way its gonna be.
reallyyyy.
everythin stays the same. the only thing that shouldnt is that. two ppl should meet up to the expectations of each other most naturally without ever havingg to feel stressed up. isnt it all abt compromise.
and its back to the part of settlingg down.
if you're happyy and settled the way you are, im reallyy happy for uu.
no im not sad or anythingg at all.reallyyy.
'cos things between us never could have worked or even started.
i wish you the BEST 'cos i always wanted us to be good friends.
its different this timee.
im just disappointed.
not like how i told youu i once was sadd and disappointed.
similar situation
but this time im not disappointed with you at all.
but with howw things work.
when you asked if i missed youu, if it was meant to be treatly seriously, i guess i do miss us hangingg out. us talkingg.us being closerr.'cos we could have made it out real good as good friends.
i hope when you say imissyou, its all in the name of 'friendship'.
'cos if i were her, ill be heartbroken reallyy.
you made a choice to be with "you" so make it seem like you chose it.
as for me,
im still the same.
if i can get YOU, i dont intend, dont plan, dont want and dont need to settle for you.

and it just got me thinking real hard.
that there are some impt ppl in my life i really really miss alot.
but somehow circumstances in life always make it so difficult.
i didnt mean to be so tiiired.
so incapable of managingg.
i wish i were more of a superwoman.
shes physically here in my lifee. but i missed all the timeeeeees we used to sharee.
shes always one of my closest. but i just missed the beautiful memories we have.
she'll never leave, cos i never will intend to leave to.
she thinks we've changed, but i tell her.
i neverr did and you really never did.
circumstances have.
and whether it holds the same amount of weight as it used to.
ill always wanna be around for uu.
'cos ya know that you're one of my closest girlfriend.i shared most of my inner thoughts, feelings, daily happenings with. i wanna make that happen again.
but i just need the circumstances to make it easierr.
but judgingg from how this week of mine, went.
i know its difficultt.
the saddest thingg is that,
its only gonna get harderr.

i shouldnt be writingg essays so early in the morningg.
and gettingg all emo-fied.
oh my.
i think ive a severeee split personality problemmm.
'cos when ppl just look at me and talk to me, they'll never know that i feel such stuff.
but no i aint puttingg up a false pretence.
ill say it again.
im thankful for all the blessings, im contented with this lifee of mine and im happy for all the minutes in a day other than fourteenpointfourmins.
the only thingg i cant stop is havingg a mind which wanders abt how things could have been more perfect.
and no.
im not a perfectionist.
at least i dont think so.

i wanna learn to never judge.
so LORD pls help me to see things only the way you want me to see.
im sorry for all the moments, i judged.
im still imperfect.
but i wish i could be more perfect.
and no.
im not a perfectionist.

hmms a long time since i wrote anythingg here.
this week has been insane.
but i guess ill just write in here to remind myself of certain stuff.
hmms the only highlights were ichiban boshi on sund with yolk and weiren.
and dads bday dinner at hanabi tonighttt.my dad.mom.bro.and dads business friends.
jap buffet again.
yummyyy nevertheless.
we wanted to go kuishinbo.but it was fully booked.
sadlyy.ive gone to hanabi a mil times alr.
yea cake was deliciousss.
the choc royal from sweet secrets.
we like it. 'cos its like the choc mousse type with the crispy biscuit kinda thingg??
its called choc royal!!
wheeeee.
theres more at homee.'cos bought the bigger one.yayyy
audit was rather tough this morningg.
but lunch was good with nic.pao.rollo.paul.suming.preston.
we made alot of jokes with puns.etc.
jokes that made fun of accountants.
ironic how we are studyingg accountancy man.
anyway back to this insane week.
i seriously dont even remember ever being so busy at all in my life.
the BEST part of it all is that ive finance mid term on fri morningg.
i just realized there are 16 chpts.
and WOW i haven even started reading a single pg.
outta 6 classes i have only attended 4 of which i do not know whats going on half the time.
yea.
whats up with the world man!!
haha but surprisingly this week i feel a certain kinda peace amidst the busy schedulee.
like somedays as i walk to the mrt station.or busstop.etc.
i really feel peace.
its just me.my GOD.my ipod.
yupp.
i realized that its actually possible to find peace within.
im not even really bothered abt my finance i guess.
just try to read as much as i can tmr.
but theres cat class in the morningg.
yea im just gonna try my BEST.and im gonna pray to GOD to help me.
give me strength to finish up everythingg tough.
yupp.
i feel much clearer abt everythinn this entire week.
and its all good.
i guess ill update again soon.
(((: