this might sound like the saddest thingg.
but i gave up tryingg to figure out how the world works.
human emotions are definitely one of the most complex.
it should be shouldnt it??
yet ppl take it so lightly.
yes i was one of those in the past.
but i can proudly say that im no longerr like that.
but i guess the reason drivingg this force of irrationality for most, is perhaps companionship.
i guess we need company.
i have ideals abt love.
the ideals that i think are difficult to match. [really lets not talk abt the times from sec 2 - j1 'cos i was clearly misconcepted then]
as quoted by someone who once got closest to me: your maintenance level is super high in the emotional way. all the expectations you set of what two parties hafta do for each other etc.
yet i cant help but think that, thats the way its gonna be.
reallyyyy.
everythin stays the same. the only thing that shouldnt is that. two ppl should meet up to the expectations of each other most naturally without ever havingg to feel stressed up. isnt it all abt compromise.
and its back to the part of settlingg down.
if you're happyy and settled the way you are, im reallyy happy for uu.
no im not sad or anythingg at all.reallyyy.
'cos things between us never could have worked or even started.
i wish you the BEST 'cos i always wanted us to be good friends.
its different this timee.
im just disappointed.
not like how i told youu i once was sadd and disappointed.
similar situation
but this time im not disappointed with you at all.
but with howw things work.
when you asked if i missed youu, if it was meant to be treatly seriously, i guess i do miss us hangingg out. us talkingg.us being closerr.'cos we could have made it out real good as good friends.
i hope when you say imissyou, its all in the name of 'friendship'.
'cos if i were her, ill be heartbroken reallyy.
you made a choice to be with "you" so make it seem like you chose it.
as for me,
im still the same.
if i can get YOU, i dont intend, dont plan, dont want and dont need to settle for you.

and it just got me thinking real hard.
that there are some impt ppl in my life i really really miss alot.
but somehow circumstances in life always make it so difficult.
i didnt mean to be so tiiired.
so incapable of managingg.
i wish i were more of a superwoman.
shes physically here in my lifee. but i missed all the timeeeeees we used to sharee.
shes always one of my closest. but i just missed the beautiful memories we have.
she'll never leave, cos i never will intend to leave to.
she thinks we've changed, but i tell her.
i neverr did and you really never did.
circumstances have.
and whether it holds the same amount of weight as it used to.
ill always wanna be around for uu.
'cos ya know that you're one of my closest girlfriend.i shared most of my inner thoughts, feelings, daily happenings with. i wanna make that happen again.
but i just need the circumstances to make it easierr.
but judgingg from how this week of mine, went.
i know its difficultt.
the saddest thingg is that,
its only gonna get harderr.

i shouldnt be writingg essays so early in the morningg.
and gettingg all emo-fied.
oh my.
i think ive a severeee split personality problemmm.
'cos when ppl just look at me and talk to me, they'll never know that i feel such stuff.
but no i aint puttingg up a false pretence.
ill say it again.
im thankful for all the blessings, im contented with this lifee of mine and im happy for all the minutes in a day other than fourteenpointfourmins.
the only thingg i cant stop is havingg a mind which wanders abt how things could have been more perfect.
and no.
im not a perfectionist.
at least i dont think so.

i wanna learn to never judge.
so LORD pls help me to see things only the way you want me to see.
im sorry for all the moments, i judged.
im still imperfect.
but i wish i could be more perfect.
and no.
im not a perfectionist.